It Yearns

Dear friends,

I have always thought that I've lead life with above average understandings of my emotional quotient. Equipped with this belief, I've lead life focusing more on myself rather than the effects of the outside environment bears on me. 

However, that belief has vanished as of today due to some verbal query from a close source of mine that noticed an incidental change in my behavior. As it turns out, the way I react to negative input from the environment is by ignoring the negative input and the source from which it came from. As a result, it has some unforeseen implication towards what I believe as a solid coping mechanism. By ignoring the source, I'm distancing myself further and zoning them out. Quite also, zoning myself out.

As I question myself as to what benefit I'm getting from this, I still believe that by focusing on myself more, maybe the negative input from my environment would stop or maybe they will even improve their projection towards me. But the more I thought I was making progress through improving myself, the outside worlds seems to act better in focusing on themselves rather than seeing the milestones I've covered. It is as it seem, I'm being defeated by my own plan of actions that was initially put in place as a silent retaliation towards them. 

Even though I understand that my life shouldn't be of bother to what is perceived by them, I secretly still yearns for their acknowledgement. This, is something that I absolutely couldn't comprehend. Mulling over this fact has made me question my above-average level of understanding in my own emotional quotient that I boasted. At the present, I truly feel like I know nothing of my own emotions.

Regardless, I will forever cherish this day as it is a very special day to me.

Your friend,

J.